Todd...

Well it has been awhile since I have written anything last. Thanks to a rigorous college schedule, I have been reading textbooks and writing essays and such. Not a lot of time for therapeutic scribe.

In my English Comp class, we are writing narrative essays. We are to draw from a personal experience of some sort to write about. While I have oodles of experiences I could write about, none are speaking to me for a five page paper. It seems like a lot of pages. I am not that interesting.

So, I am blogging this morning before I head to campus to see if it will spark anything.

I have been thinking about my friend Todd lately.

Todd was a man I met while I was a Home Care CNA. Todd was my client. He was just months younger than my Dad, and was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease).

Before I went in to start working with Todd, the agency had a little "training" about ALS. It didn't prepare me at all for working with him.

The very first day I went to Todd and Judy's, I walked in through the living room (as I was instructed to do) and when I rounded the corner into the kitchen, I found Todd sitting in his power wheel chair at the dining room table.

I walked up to him, introduced myself and shook his hand. He looked at me and didn't say anything. He just sort of nodded his head at me.

On that first day, I was to make sure Todd got his medications, make sure he ate, and just get acquainted with him and the house.

He didn't say a word to me that first day. I was there two hours and he didn't say a WORD.

Now, they had told me that he had speech issues due to the ALS, but I expected some communication. Nothing from him.

So, as I worked I kept up my cheery chatter. I was starting to irritate myself at the end of the appointment. But, if Todd was irritated, he didn't say anything.

When I left that day, I was trying to figure out a way to communicate with this person. I wanted to know likes, dislikes and so on so I could better help him.

The next day, I came in and did my duties. I chattered less, simply because I figured it was annoying. I was getting on my own nerves, I couldn't imagine what this man was thinking about me.

Day two? Still not a word out of Todd.

Day three went by much the same way. I was beginning to think that maybe it was too exhausting for him to talk, or that his ability was gone. I felt like I was settling into a routine there, and was getting more comfortable. He responded to verbal cues and didn't seem irritated or frustrated with me.

On day four, I walked in and greeted Todd. I started to get busy working on his breakfast and the other duties I had to do.

When I served Todd his breakfast and sat down to make sure his meds were set up, he looked at me, half-smiled and said "you're okay". His speech was a little mushy from the ALS, but it was clear enough.

This man was testing me. From day one.

I heard later from my RN Supervisor that this man ate and spit out several other CNA's. He was a tough one to please.

It was later that I found out they sent me in as a last ditch effort with Todd. He had been so surly and difficult that the agency had discussed referring him elsewhere for care. The RN Supervisor thought he was someone that I could handle, and she thought he might like me.

As it turned out, Todd and I became much more than an aide and a client. We became very good friends.

I learned more in the year or so I worked with him than I ever did in any other setting.

I am not sure if it's the ALS, or if it's just the human spirit in some people...but with Todd and every other client with ALS that I worked with later...there was a spirit, a spark--these people were not going to let the disease win. Or at least they were going to live life for as long as they were able.

Todd used to say that he had a terminal illness, but he was a procrastinator, so he was putting it off. He did, too. He lived for nearly nine years with a disease that claims many of it's victims in two years.

I am not sure why I have been thinking about him so much lately. In his darkest hours, he was an inspiration to me. Maybe I am trying to be inspired by him again.

Maybe I just miss my friend.